Tuesday, October 17, 2017

#MeToo

Fear has turned into anger and acceptance has diminished.
As the world opens up and ignorance still dictates,
the century-old questions prevail:

Sexually harassed? Skanky outfit.
Raped? Out when she shouldn't be.
Catcalled? A compliment.
Sexist remark? Oh loosen up, it's a joke!

A drunken phone call asking why you won't say yes.
A head to toe observation accompanied by a "mashallah."
Oops! a hand on your a** because it's too crowded.
Fixated eyes because GASP a bra strap!

A tiny percent tries to get a word in,
but the majority relentlessly and blissfully ignores.
You've elected a President who - let's not even go there.
You're proud of ousting a producer who,
among many others, should have been removed years ago.

You pray regularly yet insult the girl wearing sleeveless...
while staring at her with all your pervy might.
Use religion to "justify" your judge-y claims why don't you.

Universal knowledge: some men couldn't care less.
Why is it that women then are woman's greatest enemy?
Malala in jeans? Blasphemy!
Mahira Khan smoking? Shame!
Aap ka 25 saal ka beta smoking? "Bacha hai, London ki degree hai, naukri karta hai mera beta!"

Fuming and in tears (she's PMS-ing, she'll be fine)
I sit here thankful for every single woman and man
who have taught me what my rights are.

It's taken me a while but I'm here and ready.
Your ammo might be the norm but mine's a brain.

Thank you.
(Read: F**k you)

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

The Man in the Jinnah Cap

I wrote this for my maternal grandfather's latest birthday and thoroughly enjoyed doing so. It's full of inside jokes so bear with me and my kooky family. Here's to you, Nana!


 “Halloo?” says Mr. KMY, very loudly, as he answers the phone   
his tone mellow and hearty and his passion for life salient and profound. 

When he arrives at Jinnah International Airport (or at times, sneakily, Cantt Station)
Lurch and Smirking Walnut are ready for his welcome.
A while later he enters D-220 with goodies galore,
including coffee cake, khatais, and Sakheel’s honey.

His aura gives off a rather pleasant vibe,
one that draws you to his historically vibrant stories.
He is of course the average human at times:
When road rage kicks in and the Punjabi in him comes flying out,
When a journalist misses a comma or calls Quaid-e-Azam “Jinnah”
When a “simple affair” AKA home cooked meal tastes “rotten.”

With his silver hair and trademark white shalwar kameez and Jinnah cap
He heads to the sofa and props up his giant feet.
Remote in hand and wife by side,
he settles down to call some of his good ol’ cronies.

Whoever he meets, he impresses with his spirited self
whoever meets him wants to adopt him.
His family calls him their secret treasure.

Today we honor Mr. KMY AKA Nana, Abu, Uncle Yusuf.
To remind him of his prowess and how special he is to us
Today we give our much belated yet deserved thanks
to the man who has always had our backs through thick and thin
and who has spoiled us with love and laughter .

By this point he has surely found an error in this poem
So I will leave him to print this dedication
and thoroughly enjoy adding/deleting commas and such.

So here you go, Mr. KMY...your very own poem.
Happy, happy birthday and may you have many more!

Sunday, May 7, 2017

The Moron's Norm

Clickety clack what's in the bag?
Clear lip gloss? You from the 90's?
That's not in style girl, try some matte.

You watched the movie before reading the book?
Imbecile! The book is so much better.
It's 2017 and you're still listening to Britney?
God, how uncouth. 

A new generation, a new trend, a new norm
So much so that if you turn it around you can almost hear "moron"
Stop the bullshit, stop deciding the norm
Cultures and traditions? symbolic gestures

Want to wear white or red to your wedding? do it.
Want to wear purple, green, or brown? do it. 
But those colors aren't normal!
What will people say?
Secret: even if you wear white they'll still have something to say

Ever met a girl passionate about working and cooking both?
What, wow! 
Probably, but you chose to ignore her drive
Ever met a girl who doesn't want to work?
What, in this "feminist" age? Wow! 
Probably but you chose to ignore her opinion

Ever met a guy who understands the necessity of women's rights?
What? He's probably gay. 
I mean everyone knows gay men have illogical opinions
Ever met a guy who doesn't say "I can't express my feelings. I'm a man"?
What, why would a guy express himself? That's gay.

Sigh. 
Stop the bullshit, man.
Stop deciding the norm.